


The Intern and the New Guy

by Kereea



Series: Perry the Evil-Adjacent Boyfriend [13]
Category: Phineas and Ferb
Genre: Action, Comedy, Gen, M/M, Teen Romance, teen drama
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-27
Updated: 2019-03-27
Packaged: 2019-12-25 12:29:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,558
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18261326
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kereea/pseuds/Kereea
Summary: Summer’s winding down, and Heinz is testing out a new intern while Perry takes the boys to a museum. Candace and Vanessa have very different opinions of this Rodrigo character…meanwhile, Mystery and Peter try to help Monty communicate with his dad.





	The Intern and the New Guy

 “Okay, so we swing by…noon-ish, you think? How much slower is Doofenshmirzt with Fletcher gone?” Mystery asked as Peter checked over a note claiming Perry had been seen leaving that morning with the boys, bound for a museum.

  Peter shrugged, noting it really came down to if Candace or Vanessa help, as well as what the scheme was, but most likely after lunch.

 “All right!” Mystery said. “Easy morning! My favorite words!”

 Peter rolled his eyes.

 “Hey, fellas, can you come down to the briefing room for a second?” Carl asked, poking his head in.  

 “No!” Mystery groaned as Peter gave a thumbs-up. “Peter, stop smirking!”

.o.o.o.

 “Hey, Dr. D, get ready for the hurri—who’s this?” Candace asked, putting the take-out down on a table by the lab’s main computer.

 “Oh, this is Rodrigo. Rodrigo, Candace, Candace, Rodrigo. I…did you say something about a hurricane?” Heinz asked in confusion before he, Rodrigo, and Candace all flinched as a door slammed.

 “We are so over, Johnny!” Vanessa yelled into her phone as she stormed into the lair.

 “Wait, she was _dating_ Johnny?” Heinz asked Candace, folding his arms.

 “Eh,” Candace said, waggling a hand. “I’m not a hundred percent sure Johnny knew what dates _were_. Explains the yelling.”

 “Oh. Well, Rodrigo, this is Vanessa. Vanessa, Rodrigo’s starting evil science school in the fall and I’m _mentoring_ him! Cool, huh? So, Vanessa, you and Candace can evaluate how well he fills the assistant position since, you know, Perry’s out and you were thinking you’d have to ”

 “Yeah, whatever,” Vanessa sighed.

 Heinz frowned, “Oh, sweetie, you seem upset. What’s wrong?”

 “Urgh. Johnny. He’s such a boy!” Vanessa said. “No ambition, no, no, _gah_!”

 “You really need to stop going for the bad boy types, Vanessa,” Heinz said, patting Vanessa on the shoulder.

 “Gee, wonder who gave me the idea,” Vanessa said dryly.

 “ _I_ don’t date bad boys! Candace, tell her I don’t date bad boys!” Heinz said. “And no matter our differences, neither does your mother so that’s not an excuse either, Vanessa!”

 “She means _you’re_ evil, Dr. D,” Candace said, rolling her eyes.

 “Oh. Oh, that’s sweet,” Heinz said, hugging Vanessa tightly. “But there’s good evil, and there’s bad evil, you know?”

 “I know,” Vanessa said, grinning as Rodrigo made a confused gesture behind her dad’s back. Yeah, stuff her dad said got confusing at times.

 “Exactly!” Candace said. “I’m sure there’s a…good bad guy out there. Somewhere. We’ll work on it.”

.o.o.o.

 “So…you look a lot like your dad,” Mystery noted as he, Peter, and Monty watched Major Monogram perform a trapeze act for…some reason. Mystery thought it was miscommunication related. As someone not really onboard with communication at the best of time, he didn’t feel like looking into it.

 “Oh, thanks,” Monty said. “So, uh…how you liking the good side? Officially?”

 “Eh. The extra rules now that I’m no longer freelance are a pain,” Mystery admitted. “Other than that…I guess I was kind of being a good guy all summer anyway. Surprised it’s been so easy.”

 “Good for you man. Peter the Panda…wow, I’d love to get to work with you some day,” Monty said.

 Peter asked if that meant the major was wrong about his son wanting to join OWCA.

 “Yeah, I really want to, but Dad’s dad forced him to join when he wanted to join the circus and he thinks he’s forcing me and I’m just being nice and…yeah,” Monty said.

 “Huh. Peter, any advice?” Mystery checked. He kind of lacked knowledge in the being-a-teen-with-parents area.

 Peter said that Monogram should have worn a different color leotard, he was a winter.

 “Advice for Monty,” Mystery said.

 Peter shrugged.

.o.o.o.

 “So, you two are Dr. Doofenshmirtz’s…daughters?” Rodrigo asked as Heinz set up a chalkboard.

 “Uh-huh,” Candace said. “So, Dr. D, what’s the scheme, and where’s Rodrigo here fit in?”

 “You’re getting ahead of yourself, sweetie!” Heinz said, before pushing Rodrigo into a chair. “Now, the most important thing for an evil scientist is?”

 “…Be evil?” Rodrigo asked.

 “Okay, I suppose but…no!” Heinz said. “Backstory, backstory, backstory! A good villain is _defined_ by his backstory, by transforming past fear and trauma into misfortune for others in the present day!”

 “Oh, okay,” Rodrigo said. He looked at Candace, who had a clipboard out. “Is…is she grading me already?”

 “Eh. We’ll see,” Candace said, smirking.

 “Ooh, she is learned in the ways of evil,” Rodrigo said.

 “I am _not_!” Candace protested.

 “Guys, can we put the top down?” Vanessa asked as she laid out the takeout.

 “Sure, sweetheart. You know the buttons,” Heinz said. “Now, Rodrigo, regarding your backstory-”

 “Whoa,” Rodrigo said as the roof retracted. “Sorry but…that was really impressive.”

 “Oh! Thank you!” Heinz said. “No, as for the—ah-ha!”

 Mystery flipped him off as he tried to get his foot out of the trap. Peter noted he wasn’ trapped.

 “Oh, one sec—second boot! Ha-ha! I based it off some of the more complicated and painful looking boots I saw while back to school shopping with the girls!” Heinz cackled. “Now we shall…or wait I…ooh, where was I?”

 “Wow. Nice boots,” Vanessa said. “…Can you make one in my size? That doesn’t stick me to the floor?”

 “Vanessa, honey, trying to—right, the scheme!” Heinz said. “All right, so, Rodrigo, now that my nemeses are here and trapped, we explain our evil scheme!”

 “Two secret agents. Wow, real agents,” Rodrigo said.

 “Eh, it was this or watch our boss continue to make a fool of himself,” Mystery said. “So if you can get this over with….”

 “Excuse me, Dr. Doofenshmirtz, but since I _am_ being graded,” Rodrigo said, gesturing to Candace. “May I perhaps show you my own trapping skills? I think I could give a very good effort to make sure we’re not…interrupted.”

 “Oh, fabulous sinister pause there,” Heinz said. “And sure, go for it! I’m going to grab some lo mien, be right back!”

 “Sure thing!” Rodrigo said cheerfully as Heinz and the girls were briefly absorbed with the food. “Don’t worry, gentlemen. When I’m done with him, Dr. Doofenshmirtz will trouble the area no more…of course, you’ll be dead too, but eh.”

 “I’m sorry, what?” Mystery asked dryly before Rodrigo duct-taped his mount shut.

.o.o.o.

 “Da-da-da-da!” Heinz announced as giant turbine lifted from the ground. “So, with these, I can _lift_ the Tri-State Area whenever I want and take it anywhere! And if they want it to stay attached to the ground, they will have to serve me! By making _me_ the mayor!”

 “Hmm…” Candace hummed, writing down more notes with a frown.

 “Hmm? What hmm?” Heinz asked. “It’s a totally valid—whoa!”

 “Sorry, _doctor_ ,” Rodrigo mocked as metal cables trapped Heinz and Vanessa got caught in the abandoned boot trap. “But you think too small! Why fly the city around…when we can rip it in half!”

 “Because…because then there’s nothing to rule. Duh. And HEY!” Heinz said. “You are so not getting any recommendations from me!”

 “Like I’d want them,” Rodrigo scoffed. “I build better traps,” he gestured to where Peter and Mystery were bound, “and have better ideas. What could a fool like you possible teach me?”

 He walked over to Vanessa, “Join me, Vanessa! Together, we can rule the world! I’ll treat you way better than this dork.”

 “Dude. He’s not my boss, he’s my _dad_!” Vanessa said.

 “And my kinda-dad!” Candace added, slamming her hand into her fist, “Oh, you are _so_ busted, buster!”

 “I, uh, was talking to Vanessa, you know, I thought we’d had a moment…” Rodrigo mused before Candace tackled him.

 “Wow. _What_ a dweeb,” Vanessa said, leaning over to pull the tape off Mystery’s mouth.

 “Ow! And thanks,” Mystery said.

 “Kick his butt, honey!”  Heinz called. “Also, if you hurt my littler girl you are going to get it, man! As soon as I get out of this!”

 Rodrigo punched Candace in the face, knocking her back with a large bruise on her jaw.

 “See! Now I’m mad!” Heinz said, struggling against the wires.

 “Oh, don’t worry. I texted Perry as soon as he gave an ominous threat to us,” Mystery said cheerfully. “He’s probably not going to be happy about any of this.”

 “The actual assistant?” Rodrigo checked.

 “The _boyfriend_ ,” Candace said, grinning as the door to the roof was kicked open by a furious Perrin Fletcher.

 “You _texted_ someone?” Rodrigo added.

 “Dude, I’m reformed evil, not stupidly-good. I’m not playing by your rules,” Mystery said, shrugging. “You might want to worry more about the guy about to throw you off the roof.”

 “The wha—whoa!” Rodrigo yelped as Perry grabbed him by the collar. “Oh, wow. You’re…uh, kind of scary.”

 “You were trying to kill his boyfriend. And _punched his niece_!” Mystery added loudly.

 Perry looked over to Candace and growled when he saw the bruise on her face.

 “Ooh. You’re going to get it,” Mystery said, beaming as Perry tackled Rodrigo. “Oh yeah! Payback!”

 “Need some help?”

 Vanessa turned to see Phineas and Ferb. “Oh, hey guys. How was the museum?”

 “Pretty cool,” Phineas said, lifting his shirt to reveal a tool belt. “Ferb, can you cut Dr. D loose? I think Vanessa and I can handle this.”

 Ferb saluted and headed over, pulling a saw out of his pants pocket.

 “…Did you have that at the museum or pick it up on the way?” Heinz asked.

 Ferb didn’t answer, going for the cables.

 “Yeah, nice try kid, we’re having a talk about smuggling potential weapons as soon as this is over.”

 “It’s just a _tool_ ,” Phineas said.

 “ _This_ is why airport security takes forever with you two, you do know that right?” Heinz sighed.

 “Uncle Perry!” Candace yelled as Rodrigo managed to knock Perry away, only to get hit by a kick from an incoming boy with a jetpack. “Um…okay.”

 “ _Monty_?” Mystery questioned as Phineas finally got one of Peter’s hands free and Peter was able to start working on the trap as well.

 The building shook.

 “Oh yeah, the inator’s kind of tearing the Tri State Area apart!” Candace warned.

 Perry gestured at Rodrigo. Monty nodded, and Perry ran to the control box while Monty engaged the scientist.

 After an equal-footing fistfight, Monty proceeded to create a trapeze with two ropes and a rod, using that to fight Rodrigo with acrobatic antics instead.

 “…Yep. That is Monogram’s kid,” Mystery said. He noticed Peter streaming the fight on his watch. “Good idea.”

 Ferb finally got Heinz free, and he ran over to help Perry finish shutting down the inator to lower Danville back to earth. Perry left him too it, vaulting over the console to re-engage Rodrigo.

 Monty flipped over the tower, dislodging his ropes so he could toss them to Perry. Perry quickly tied Rodrigo up before kicking him over to a now-free Mystery and Peter.

 “Boo-ya!” Candace cheered before rubbing her jaw. “Okay, ow.”

 Ferb offered her an ice pack.

 “Oh, you’re the best,” Candace said, taking it and putting it on the bruise as she ruffled Ferb’s hair with her free hand. Ferb hugged her.

 “Just to check, Rodrigo’s the only one trapped right now  right? Right. Good,” Heinz said, looking around. “And here, just to get this over with…”

 He grabbed a chair and smashed it into the inator’s control console. “There we go. Curse you, me. But really Rodrigo. He deserves a lot more than cursing, honestly.”

 Peter told Monty on his notepad that he’d done a great job, underlining the word great several times to make sure his point was made.

 “Really? Thanks!” Monty said. “Um, do you want me to take the guy in, or just take off?”

 “Well…if you don’t get rid of him, we’re going to have some… _explaining_ to do,” Mystery said, pointing at Perry and Heinz before making throat-slashing motions to indicate what he thought they’d do if left to deal with the traitor.

 “ _Oh_. Oh yeah, I get it,” Monty said. “Taking him.”

 “Smart kid,” Mystery said.

 “Vanessa. I thought we had something. I thought you liked bad boys!” Rodrigo said before Monty took off.

 “Eh. Over it,” Vanessa said. “Maybe I’ll go for…good guys.”

 “Great idea! You know, maybe Jeremy knows some…why are you staring at the new guy?” Candace asked. “…Psst, Mystery, who’s the new guy?”

 “Monogram’s kid,” Mystery hissed back.

 “…Uh-oh,” Candace said as she put Vanessa’s expression and the new guy together in her head.

 Peter nodded. He’d noticed the exact same bad signs.

 “Um. Okay!” Candace said. “Curse you Peter and Mystery, we’ve got cleanup to do!”

 She grabbed Mystery by the coat lapels, “Make sure the new guy knows to treat my sister like a _queen_.”

 “Wow, you _are_ learning to be as scary as your uncle,” Mystery said. “And, um, okay?”

 “Great!” Candace said, smoothing his jacket before waving him off. “Cursed you, so bye!”

 Peter put an arm around Mystery’s shoulders as they left.

 “Whew. What a day…” Heinz sighed.

 “That was definitely one of the bigger schemes,” Vanessa agreed.

 “I know! You successfully lifted the entire Tri State Area? _Cool_!” Phineas said.

 “Yeah, well, honestly in hindsight I think there were a few holes in my plan, look, Candace had this whole list going here of holes,” Heinz said, picking the list up off the console. “Oh wow, possibility of being overthrown was right there at the top, too. Good call, Candace.”

 Perry signed that he was checking Heinz’s new hires from now on.

 “Yeah, you’re better at reading people. Seriously that little sneak was so _arrogant_. Was he one of those guys who reads _Atlas Shrugged_ and starts thinking he’s the next Galt and everyone’s sheep or something? I’ll bet he _was_. Hey, can there even be a next Galt when Galt was fictional?”

 “Have you been reading snarky reviews of _Atlas Shrugged_ online again?” Candace asked.

 “They’re _so_ well thought out and comedic, I can’t help myself!” Heinz said. “I’m sorry you got hurt Candace.”

 “I _did_ kind of jump on an evil guy bigger than me,” Candace pointed out.

 “And you _never_ should have been in that situation, so I’m sorry,” Heinz said, hugging her.

 “Eh, give me my usual extra-mall-money compensation for minion-work and I think we’ll be fine,” Candace said.

 “How about ice cream, too? Might help with the jaw?” Heinz asked.

 “Urgh, yes, my teeth are starting to hurt,” Candace said.

 “Great, you go down and have some, you’ve earned an out from cleanup,” Heinz said as Perry passed him a broom.

 “We’ll help!” Phineas said, grabbing Ferb. Ferb sighed, but grabbed a bucket to put smashed parts in.

 “Did you know Vanessa was dating _Johnny_?” Heinz asked Perry.

 Perry blinked and asked if Johnny had actually figured out what dating was yet.  

 “Oh, okay, that’s actually a good thing,” Heinz said. “Yeah, they broke up because he didn’t.”

 Perry said Heinz could tell him all about it while they cleaned things up.

 “Well, you’d have to ask her, but man, when she came into the lab she was just _yelling_ into her phone, so he must have really screwed up, like, a lot, straw that broke the camel’s back and all…”

**Author's Note:**

> I couldn't resist having Rodrigo, and Monty's always been a fav of mine so now he's here too! But he's got to meet Candace's high standards to date her sister. Her very high standards of...be a decent person and treat Vanessa well. Yeah, she'll warm up to him. 
> 
> Ferb, we need to talk about your ability to pull out tools and weapons so easily.


End file.
